I don’t know if that’s a real word. But it’s a real word to me. It is the term I’m using to describe my efforts to beat this latest round of depression. I may very well find that I’m really just enduring a midlife crisis- not sure. Regardless for a couple months now I’ve embarked on a mission to stop surviving. I’ll be honest. It’s sucked. I mean it. Grueling hard little choices. Choices to exercise, choices to eat, choices to not eat.There are a lot of days that getting out of bed really doesn’t sound like a good idea. Which leads me here.
I’m finding that most of life is tedium. I am awful at tedium. Sign me up for war. Throw me in the middle of a crisis. Give me someone whose melting down. I can do drama. I was built for drama. Daily. Well, daily has my number and rings it often. But I’ve decided not to give in just yet. I got a health coach, downloaded duo lingo and I’ve started to embark on this mission of small, everyday steps. And this morning I decided, it’s time to find my voice again.
Writing has been instrumental in my life but for years now I’ve been silent. Personal grief and culture wars have been effective muzzles. Never sure what to say, or how to say it, or if it is for anyone’s good (including my own). The last few attempts to write left me uncertain of tone and purpose and usually ended in a sense of regret. I suspect I’ll feel similarly about this blog as well. But I’ve decided to do it anyway. Its time to plug my nose, take the plunge and just start writing again.
And if you so choose you can slog it with me. Maybe there’s a little divine in this daily yet to be found.
thedailyanddivine 