So, I’m having a small conniption tonight. Exactly one year ago, I was off in Berlin with my husband. It was just a cute seven weeks before our fifth child was due. I went to be with him, but also…
I’m pretty sure that most of you who actually read my blog have heard me talk multiple times about a book. This stupid book has been the works for… a while. For a long time I refused to embrace the encouragement to write a book. I wrote it off as compliments from well-meaning people with obviously no sense for good literature. They were all clearly bias.
But in my own life I kept feeling my Father speak to me about it and finally I conceded that I should write a book. Seasons would come and go, but all my organizing of old writings never actually turned into a book. Besides why write a book when I can just blog? That’s so much easier! Then last spring I felt the push and so I hunkered down, put together a team of proofreaders, prayer warriors and editors and laid out the bones for this book.
“down will come baby, cradle and all”
Last year might have been the hardest of my life. I’m not entirely sure. I handled it better then some other years but I don’t think that meant it was easier. And finishing a book, did not happen. What did happen though, is that God put me intimately back in touch with the topic of conversation. A year ago I was cringing as I read the old accounts I had written. I really felt like they were juvenile and unprofitable. Really, I felt like I had moved on and I was above all that… I don’t know… drudgery. Well, this year catapulted me into drudgery so fast I nearly caught up with my own tail. God, in His mercy helped me to reconnect with the material in a way that I just wasn’t able to do by reading it again.
However, I feel the tide changing. The children are growing and our family is moving on. But the book still is not written.
I might find tomorrow or in two months that I am deleting this post and eating crow because I wimped out again and didn’t actually put my hand to what I believe I should do. But, so many of you here have been such a voice of encouragement and so I’m compelled to reach out. I’m asking two things:
Firstly, please pray for me. Pray for my family that there would be space and strength to obey. I have a yes but it is a weak one and I know that time is perhaps the resource in shortest supply in my house. Well, that and sleep. And toothpaste. Man, kids ruin toothpaste!
Secondly, I ask for your loyal understanding. I cannot be faithful to write a book if I’m here doing to more gratifying work of interacting with you all. So, my content here will likely be a little sparse, or repetitive. I will still try to keep something coming. Maybe a clip here or there from what I’m working on. But I won’t be able to spend the time posting new content as I would like. I beg of you to stick with me. With the LORD’s help this process will wrap up in a matter of months.
As I was thinking about that possible deadline I realized I will be coming up on my oldest’s tenth birthday. TEN YEARS?!?!?! Not possible. I blinked, had five babies, and now we’re off planning how to spend our lives hauling our family all around the world. It only increased the feeling in my gut that a new thing is starting and I need to capture the essence of this one before I lose this season all together. The grief of losing one stage to embrace the next.
Oh, that is the bittersweet of this life. But mostly sweet.
God bless each of you. Not with trifle and lofty ideas of goodness. But with the fullness of His glorious presence! May you find yourself hidden in Him and in Him all truly good things. May you find your broken yes too.