Okay, so my house has been full of much needed conflict lately. My children’s hearts and habits have been overtaken by weeds while our family experienced some hard months. Understandable but not healthy so… time to do some weeding. But yesterday as I sat on my back porch and actually slowed myself down enough to worship ( in Spirit and in Truth) I felt a call to higher ground in my approach of all this.
A little backstory:
Since last fall there has been an internal war in me. It is the war to break out of the culturally acceptable, deception ridden, unfruitful expression of Christian faith in which I’ve been raised. In short- I’ve been trying to actually measure my spiritual maturity by my obedience to Jesus instead of my ability to amass spiritual truths and talk about them. You know, actually preaching the gospel, making disciples, exhibiting peace, love and joy in my life- yeah, that stuff. It was in this context that my good pal Jesus started to speak to me through the Holy Spirit.
Don’t you think your children ought to be receiving the first fruits of this gospel you’re trying to preach? Ouch. Continue… Why do you discount the one’s who’ve professed to follow me as if they are not “real” disciples? Yeah. Still stings… You want to reflect my love into the darkness of this world; that includes your little one’s. Are they getting a taste of My Presence by being around you? Drop the mic.
I love my Father so much. Only He can say these things in a way that left me feeling empowered instead of discouraged. It completely helped me refocus my energy. My life isn’t supposed to be a series of checked boxes. It’s not about managing all the needs (and there are many). I want good character. I want to be obeying Jesus through the truth of my actions. I want to be a faithful steward of the home, life and relationships He’s given me. But that’s not the end game! We are created for worship. We are created to dwell with Him in a way that reflects light into the darkest of places.
Our children are part of that! In fact they are the front line of that. They are growing up in an angry and confused world. They have needs. They have souls. They need encounter with Jesus just like the rest of us. Are we bringing it to them? Or are we so lost in our responsibilities that we’ve forgotten how to carry ourselves in a way that make our children (and our neighbors) jealous for the Gospel. Do we show the magnificence of being known by God and knowing Him in return?
I’m going to keep on with the conflict in my house. It is a Holy War I am fighting for their hearts. But man, by the Grace of God, I am going to keep falling on this word. Asking myself, Am I carrying myself in a way that my children can start to get an inkling about the nature of God. Can they see light reflected in my posture or did I get lost in checking boxes today? You know, my kids get the first fruits of all my weaknesses (that’s just life as a parent). Shouldn’t they also get the to eat the first fruits of this great gospel of Grace I’ve received?
That’s what I’m going for today.