So I found myself in the corner of a coffee shop and I wanted to just curl up into the fetal position and melt into the wall.
What’s wrong? Nothing. Absolutely Nothing.
Sometimes when you are running to win, you run so hard you throw up. It’s true. I mean, let’s be honest, I’ve never run that hard. I usually try to avoid running all together but I’ve seen people do it. They push themselves and sometimes that’s a little hard on the body.
This week Facebook did me the favor of reminding me what was going on that day four years ago. It was a picture of my oldest son holding my newborn daughter. She was just a few days old and I had to laugh because I’ve had two more babies since then and the youngest is already seven months old! That’s a lot of babies.
Raising multiple children under the age of four is the equivalent of running till you puke.
I mean seriously. It’s chaos. I get poop on me somewhere every single day. I don’t even flinch anymore. My Christmas tree is lopsided and despite being in my house for five days only has lights on it. The good news is I manically collect ornaments for a new Christmas theme every year so I have four plastic totes stacked up in my living room. You know because with five kids we have a lot of extra living room space.
I can’t even tell you what I do most days. I know it involves cheese sticks and Legos and a seriously unhealthy level of coffee. Oh and prayer! I pray a LOT! I’m not religious just desperate. I need His perspective to navigate the day. So I have to stop and pray. Sometimes I hear Him… sometimes the toddler drops a jar of applesauce and I’m pretty sure I know what the next thing is we need to do that day.
Isaiah 40:11 He gently leads those that are nursing.
Of all the things He put in His book! So often I spend my days straining at the oars and wondering why I’m spent by 10:00 a.m. It’s not the season for that. It’s a season to sit in the boat, nurse my young and let Him blow in the sail. And not feel bad for it! It’s not just acknowledging that I have needs (sleep, showers, adult conversation) and lowering expectations (a clean house, matching socks, the ability to complete a sentence). It’s saying no to the guilt! It’s accepting that I’m on the last leg of a four year baby mania marathon and it’s okay that I am at the end of myself.
Instead of wondering why I can’t do more I’m going to celebrate that I’m giving this all I’ve got. Doing this well doesn’t mean it all has to get done, all the time. And doing it in God’s strength doesn’t mean that we don’t get angry, or frustrated or bored. It means that we keep going in spite of that. We reaffirm the value in it. And we have a safe place to hide when we need a break from it. So I’m going to be okay with curling up in the corner of the coffee shop and melting into the wall.
If you’re a young mom- a new mom- an experienced mom who decided to have a another round of babies please be kind to yourself. Accept that He’s probably being more gentle with you than you are with yourself. Keep track of your dreams, and your desires but plant them in the right season. It doesn’t all have to happen today when there’s a child on your lap… or in the high chair… or running around naked after the cat.
And if you find you have never been or are no longer in this crazy stage of running till you puke… please find someone who is and give them coffee. They could probably use a cup of coffee.